Wednesday, January 28, 2015

On loss

There is much to read, think and say on losing loved ones. Mentally I debate myself about losing someone fast vs. a longer drawn out process. There isn't a prize, people are simply gone. Is there relief if it's a long process, and if so is that suddenly second guessing when you feel relieved.

Are they in a better place? Is that even possible when your family is still alive? Do people decide it's time, are they waiting for something, etc.

When my Father passed away I cried for hours, days. I think I cried enough for a lifetime. The hear breaking agonizing grief, anger and frustration.

Mother in law had a great life, of that there isn't any doubt.  We are working through getting all of the service arraigned and notifications. I keep reminding everyone it's a celebration of her life, nothing else, so keep it that way. 59 years of marriage, 4 children, 3 grand children, world travel, family cruises, mountain getaways.
I even got her to swear once in a while, and that would always get her to say, "shit you did it again!".

For us, life will return to a normal state, with emphasis on involving father in law in activities. I have several business trips coming up that perhaps we can escape on to try and reflect together without others around.

In the meantime life is rolling on as it always does. When I get some time I'll put a post up about my excursion to San Francisco, and my increased loathing for cities. ick.


  1. Max, sorry for your loss.

    Everybody works through it differently. And the same person will probably deal with a passing differently from the time before.

  2. Matt's statement is accurate enough. When my dad passed (coming up on 4 years ago, now) there was an ache, an unfilled hole, that lingered for quite awhile. I kept thinking of things I wanted to ask him about ... and then remembering I couldn't. It hurts.

    But the pain grows less, with time, and we learn how to pick ourselves up and keep going. And I WILL see him again; just not for awhile.

  3. My thoughts go out to you. Each passing is different and so will the dealing with it be different. My in-ls died 11 years apart, my parents 5 days. Dealing with siblings and their different issues was the hassle. The crying and grieving will come and then the good memories.

  4. oh Max - i am sorry for your loss. but i am very glad that you have the insight to realize that your MIL lived what sounds like a very full and happy life. THAT is the greatest thing to have in this life.

    as others have said, each passing IS different. and we all must learn to come to terms with it in our own way. i hope that you and your wife can get away together in order to help each other grieve in private.

    much love to you and your wife! your friend,

  5. Bless you and your family, my friend.


  6. At least you can finally start getting all that behind you. It's a very stressful issue and I expect you are about worn down to a nub , you've been handling it a long time.

  7. Thanks everyone for the words and kindness. We are looking forward to getting on with life and somewhat back to "normal".

  8. Sorry to hear about your wife's mother. Even though it was expected it is still hard. You are all in our prayers.