On loss

There is much to read, think and say on losing loved ones. Mentally I debate myself about losing someone fast vs. a longer drawn out process. There isn't a prize, people are simply gone. Is there relief if it's a long process, and if so is that suddenly second guessing when you feel relieved.

Are they in a better place? Is that even possible when your family is still alive? Do people decide it's time, are they waiting for something, etc.

When my Father passed away I cried for hours, days. I think I cried enough for a lifetime. The hear breaking agonizing grief, anger and frustration.

Mother in law had a great life, of that there isn't any doubt.  We are working through getting all of the service arraigned and notifications. I keep reminding everyone it's a celebration of her life, nothing else, so keep it that way. 59 years of marriage, 4 children, 3 grand children, world travel, family cruises, mountain getaways.
I even got her to swear once in a while, and that would always get her to say, "shit you did it again!".

For us, life will return to a normal state, with emphasis on involving father in law in activities. I have several business trips coming up that perhaps we can escape on to try and reflect together without others around.


In the meantime life is rolling on as it always does. When I get some time I'll put a post up about my excursion to San Francisco, and my increased loathing for cities. ick.

As the sun slowly fades

Rock and I are staring out of the window, we are exhausted. 7+  miles a day of Rock hikes, a few hundred pushups and a few 3 mile runs. I really want to go out and enjoy the sunset but it's going to be more of a star gazing kind of night, we hope. If you don't find your failure points you won't know what you can really do.

Normally I run uphill for the first half of my runs, sort of a no brainer to me, but I feel it's a little like cheating. I don't usually let up on the pace in either direction, but for a change I ran downhill to start. It was a nice change, but there were some conversations with myself on the long lonely road. When you are exhausted and want to give up, you keep thinking about things that provide motivation (hey, are those zombies horses?).

The Amish thought I was crazy yesterday when I ran by in my little running shorts and tank top. Today ALL the Amish thought I was crazy as I ran by the house they were having Sunday service at (not sure what they call it, but I doubt it's called church for some reason).

We had Sunday brunch with the neighbors... I'm not sure when they are moving, but I'll be out of town for a bit and might not see them again. Rock wasn't impressed but he only howled a little bit. Good neighbors often make good company. Lori the dog, Rabies the cat (we thought the named fit).

Here is a picture that could have been identical over the weekend, on several different occasions.

Rock did enjoy getting on the snow and sniffing out rodents and digging for them. The wind wasn't so bad today, but the last 2 nights it's been howling hard enough to make me concerned about a tree coming down. 45 yesterday, 50 today and of course the fire is just about ready to be lit as the sun has now been swallowed by the mountain demons.

I have so much going through my brain right now that I'm going to curl up in front of the fire with Rock and read another zombie book. It won't provide insight into anything, it won't make me understand stupid people, it wont help me decide if I should buy another AR. It will kill some time before we go check out the stars... if I can manage it, I'm super beat up.

Tomorrow is another day and we will head home in the afternoon. I need to get some clothes packed and some work done.

Shorts, skates and cycles of sun

I won't be the cause of jealousy and envy, so no picture of me in my running shorts.

As with the weather in most places, wait an hour or 12 and it will change. In Colorado the extremes are just.... extreme? Thursday I go for a run in 55 degree weather and sunshine, Friday I'm back in town and there is an inch or more of ice on everything. Saturday I'm at the cabin again and running in the sunshine. On and off sun and ice over a few days.

We've had cold weather and snow the last two days, today it's going to be in the 50's and continue on over the weekend.
I've always said that in Colorado you have all 4 seasons, you might just not enjoy whatever season decided to land on a particular day but overall it's very reasonable.

We were going to be in Cancun but at the last minute the travel agent was able to cancel the trip with a small penalty, to be rescheduled in a couple of months. Mother in Law probably will be departing in the next week, but as with all things, who really knows. I still took my vacation time, I have another 7 days to use in the next few weeks so I'm on  half days at work.

The table and bench we purchased for the cabin finally arrived. The order was placed in the middle of June.

We really like the look and weight, and think t hey fit in just fine. Once we get the front rooms tiled, it will be an even better match. The table itself weighs around 400 pounds if not more.

I managed to be in the gym for 4 days this week and am continuing to make progress on my strength and keeping my mouth closed. Last time I was really active in the gym I wasn't being careful about how much food I was eating and got burnt out on the lack of progress (in physique). Now I'm fairly careful about how much food I'm eating and what type of food it is. I'm still able to run well and lift well as I trim down so I think I've finally nailed it.

On Dec 26th I posted a picture of some 95 pound dumbbells. I prefer the dumbbell presses to the barbell, it keeps my shoulder from snapping angrily at feel better overall. The gym only has one dumbbell at 100 pounds so when the 95's got feeling easy I just stepped right up to the 105's

I think in another week or so I'll be using the 110's. Right now at the 105's I'm lifting over half my body weight in each hand.

Fun times in Colorado.

Every end has a new beginning

The end was cold.
Really cold. We jumped in the Jeep and headed to the cabin on Tuesday night, it was going to be the coldest night of the year and for some reason I was nervous about the heat settings at the cabin. The Jeep has a snow plow and the roads were snow pack and/or icy so it was a long, slow drive.

When it's -15 to -20 outside, and you are doing an average of 40 MPH. that's a negative 50 degrees on the vehicle. It wasn't a very warm drive, no matter the heat setting, but we had plenty of gear on and around to help. The cabin was fine, but I did turn up the heat a little and the driveway got plowed. It was a long cold drive back home.

New Years eve had me heading back to the cabin. I had a grand plan to hike about 15 miles on New Years day, but the 18 inches of fresh snow derailed those plans. I did get out and about several times, and spent some time reading and reflecting on the type of person I am, and where I/we are headed in 2015. New Years isn't about drinking, fireworks, balls dropping or other people. This is the day I lost my Father several years ago, this is a day for me to try and have some sort of epic adventure.

Alone.

Hello 2015! The temperature was -15 but I got out for a few miles of hiking, I'm determined.

The beginning was cold and wet.

The snow started falling early on New Years day and of course in the country the plows don't run on a holiday. This storm and the end of the previous days storm left a bit of snow on the roads and plenty in the hills. It was very tempting to head up into the tree's but I need to get snowshoes.

Fresh snow, it was really coming down so I waited it out inside. A few hours later the sun started to break through and I shoveled. Then it was hiking time! I got hot and regretted wearing thermals, I probably should have worn shorts. I'm always running on the melty side of hot.

Here, I'm smiling... honest. It was about 3 degrees but with the sun I didn't even get chilled.

I read a book, watched a movie, watched Oregon spank Florida, ate a big salad and did 400 pushups. I figured since I couldn't get out for much cardio I would still get some sort of workout in. All the usual chores were done and then I went to bed for a 4AM wakeup drive to work. The joys of commuting on roads that weren't plowed.