OMG OMG OMG IKEA!

While in the big city of Denver my friend decides we need to go to the new Ikea store, he is looking for something they have, in a certain color. I tried to avoid it by mentioning how much traffic there would be at rush hour but luckily for me he knew the back way all over. It was hot so I was fine with killing time so it would cool down before I went running (that never happened, it was just too hot and I'm not that crazy).

We had a nice conversation about how he should go and spend about $100 on some water and food in case he is without power for a few days. Longer than that he said he has had a nice life and will be one of those people who just die in his bed. Ok, at least he has thought about it, and at least I made the effort like a good friend should do.

Suddenly the road is filled with cones, people guiding traffic, no parking and parking signs. I'm screaming BRAKES BRAKES thinking there must be some hazmat disaster ahead..... nope, apparently the long awaited Ikea opening caused major traffic issues and needed signs on the highway and all kinds of craziness on the streets around it. I was amazed and suddenly I was excited about going into the store as surely there would be something in there I needed (wanted, I always want stuff, but need is better). We roll into the parking garage and I jam my pistol down my pants like it's a Wesley Snipes movie, I'm dressed for work and don't feel like screwing around with a belt and such but at least I'm armed and more comfortable.


Into the store, up 2 flights of stairs instead of the elevator or escalator, and into the wonderland of Ikea... a store full of crap. Flimsy, press-board, decorative, cheap bullshit. How could this store possibly have traffic backed up on the interstate and need cones and people directing traffic. First thing I saw was a stack of about 500 cutting boards, white and plastic and I swear they actually were flimsy. How about a little carpet... sure, but why would anyone want a carpet with 2 inch long (whatever they are called... fibers? weave?) things to burn up whatever you run over it to suck the dirt out.

The way people were running around snatching up stuff once again proved to me that I am no longer normal. The line has shifted more than I had thought. No one wants things that are made to last and I don't understand decorative stuff unless it's a picture of the family or perhaps a centerpiece. Do people really like having all kinds of useless stuff around them just to make them feel like they have a lot? Perhaps so, maybe I should go back and spend $500 so I can put so much stuff in my bathroom that I have to walk in sideways and backwards in order to sit down.

I was glad to get back to the Springs this morning for work. Something to be said for comfort zones.